What happens when you lose your virginity?

 

Losing your virginity is a unique experience. It can be hard to know just what to expect. What will it feel like, when should you do it, and how can you stay safe during your first time?

The words “virginity” and “sex” mean different things to different people, regardless of whether they have sex with people of the same or different genders. Whatever definition people use, many feel anxious about having sex for the first time.

This concern is totally normal, but rumors and myths that circulate among friends and on the internet can create unnecessary fears. Understanding what might happen during and after sex can help ease any worries.

In this article, we look at what might happen — both physically and emotionally — when a person loses their virginity. We also tackle some common myths about virginity and sex and talk about how people can prepare for their first time having sex.

What is virginity, and what is sex?

Defining virginity is not straightforward — sex and virginity can mean many different things to different individuals.

When people say “virgin,” they often mean a person who has not had penetrative, penis-in-vagina sex with another person. However, this is just one of many possible definitions.

Not all people have penis-in-vagina intercourse. For them and for others, virginity loss may refer to their first time with oral sex, anal sex, or sex using fingers or toys. Some people feel that they have lost their virginity multiple times, by having different kinds of sex.

Notions of virginity and sexual activity also differ among cultures.

What happens to the body during sex?

People usually notice physical changes during sexual activity. Some of these are the same for males and females, while other changes differ.

Sex feels good because of both mental and physical factors. The brain releases hormones that support sexual pleasure, and there are thousands of nerve endings in the genitals that can feel good when stimulated. Learn more about why sex is pleasurable here.

Before and during sex, the body releases hormones. These increase the amount of fluid in the vagina or stimulate the penis to become erect. A person may also feel their heart rate quicken and their body become more sensitive during sex.

Does it hurt when you lose your virginity?

Sexual contact may feel strange at first because it is an unfamiliar sensation. That said, sex — including the first time — should not be painful.

To avoid discomfort, be sure to openly communicate with your partner before and during sex, telling them what does and does not work for you. If sex is painful, tell your partner and stop or try something different.

To maximize pleasure and minimize the chance of discomfort, spend a lot of time on foreplay. This can mean kissing, caressing, teasing, or exploring. Foreplay will enhance arousal and prime you and your partner for an even more enjoyable experience.

But even though foreplay and a state of arousal can help the vagina and penis self-lubricate, people may still need to add lubricant to prevent uncomfortable friction.

Adding lube is a must during anal sex, as the rectum does not produce its own lubrication.

Psychologist and sex educator Emily Nagoski, Ph.D., says that lubricant — whether water-based or silicone-based — should be a bedside staple for anyone who is sexually active.

In her book, Come As You Are, Nagoski explains that lubricant helps reduce friction and increase pleasure. It also decreases the risk of any tearing and pain.

When should you lose your virginity?

People can feel a lot of pressure to have sex if they believe that there is a “right age,” or if they feel like everyone else is doing it. However, many people take their time in deciding when — or even if — they want to become sexually active.

The most recent data, collected in 2017, from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC)Trusted Source show that 47.8% of high school students in the United States had never had any kind of sexual contact.

So if you are worried about not having had sex — don’t be! There is no real right or wrong time to become sexually active. The right time is when it feels right for you — that is, when you feel an enthusiastic desire to explore that part of yourself.

If you never feel an urge to start having sex, that’s absolutely fine, too. And if you feel like starting your sex life, but then decide you want to abstain from one, several, or all types of sexual activity for a while — or forever — that is also normal.